People always make resolutions for New Years. Usually they are big things and big goals. People are so focused on the future and new beginning, in which case : everything NEW.
I tend to look back. What I’ve been through from day one I breathe my life on earth up until today. What have I done, what lessons learned, people that I’ve met, places that I’ve been up until what I am now, moments and memories. I try to see everything in my life up until the smallest details. And then I realised, new things and future are indeed things that we should look forward to and build up. But we should also look through our past and get done what was once left unfinished.
I was hurt, either by people or by myself. I want to finish every unfinished feelings about it. Forgiving myself and let my failures go. To accept that I failed on some parts of life and made mistakes. To forgive myself and to try better in the same fields, or just start new in some new fields, in every aspect of my life. To forgive people that hurt me. It takes time and effort, but eventually everything will get there and forgiven. To rebuild the past friendship that has broken and also to accept some things can be mended and fixed, but some things are just can never be the same again.
I want to reconcile with everything in my life first. Then move forward. And with that, I will run and strive to the future. And just live.
Reading Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell – quirky, funny, sad but worth the read.