When it comes to life, isn’t it nice to receive or achieve something in an incredibly fast time ? For example, when you order your food and it comes to your table quickly enough and you don’t have to wait for too long. Or at some other time when you do online shopping and receive your package a little too early or right on time, even when you order it from another side of the world. Another time is when you’re boarding to your plane with no delay. Ah, a little something right on time or quicker slash faster than usual, sometimes it’s nice, right ?
Other times, we have to wait for a bit for things that we want. Like for example, the time when you want your hair to get longer. Or when you want your bruise to fade and your skin gets back to normal. For me, it’s my body image. I used to do crash dieting and hard core back to back training when I gain weight or bloat to get right back on track. Little did I know, I’m ruining myself little by little.
First stop, I got a mild gastritis and low blood pressure for instance. When I got hungry I would down black coffee, diet soda or just drink a bunch of ice water. I ate less than normal or dieting people and it gave me health issues which I used to shrug off. I didn’t think about it too much and I thought it will just go away and I’ll be okay. Minor sickness or pain is just a speck of dust. And those speck of dust keeps on piling until it got severe enough to ruined my health and metabolism all at once.
Second, I did a lot of heavy weightlifting and cardio like a maniac, twice a day, with the very little nutritions that I ate. I got smaller yes, I even got six packs yes, but then I always gain easily and lose easily like a yoyo without a stable line at all.
Then one day, I got really sick because all of those combo above, and boy, my body got really weird at a point where my body was just plain bloaty and gaining weight no matter what I do, how hard I was on the gym, it just stayed there. More than frustrated, I almost gave up on myself.
Then I tried to get myself back on track and adapt a new balanced healthy eating habit but also still enjoying myself and have fun a little. If I want to eat something that categorised as unhealthy, I’ll balance it out the next day. Because weight lifting is not working for me anymore, I’m trying out yoga and boxing. At first, the result didn’t really show and I thought, oh boy, well, at least I’ll keep myself healthy by doing all the better choices on food and still do some training.
Then slowly, little by little, it’s like magic is happening into my body. Because I didn’t give up on my crucial and stressful weeks of no change at all and keep on going, I’m shrinking without even realising it. I’m not as stone-hard and tight like I used to be, but I have stronger core, I feel fresh and energised, I feel healthy and I’m smaller. And the low blood pressure slowly fade away and gastritis is getting minor and minor. I’m happier even when I’m not as tiny as I used to be, but my friends told me that I look more alive.
When I do yoga, it hurts. But not giving up makes me realise that I can do movements that I didn’t think I could do before. After I master some movements I keep on thinking I can do some other movements so I get more and more confidence, plus my strength and my body position is much better than before.
When I do boxing cardio, it really does testing me on how much I endure on myself when my breathing starts to get hard. How to survive with a lot of quick movements and all the physical training. I feel like a soldier. But I got a better reflex and of course, it’s no trouble for me to go upstairs 8 level straight.
So I think in life I tend to learn how to wreck myself first and fall down 10 feet into a hole on the ground, but I’ll also learn how to crawl myself out from that hole and get myself back on my feet. It bummed me out hard, my body issue, because it’s something that I’m struggling with my whole life since I was a kid and get bullied. But finding my way to the best of me is a rocky road, but when that road ends and I see the sunset on the horizon and walk smoothly on an even ground, I’m happier because I know, I crushed my demon that’s telling me otherwise on the back of my mind.
My journey into a boxing soldier and a yogi lover may comes across as a total surprise. I never thought I’ll abandoned the heavy weight lift training and keto diet all at once. But I guess in life you just have to seek for what’s working for yourself and do it anyway until it doesn’t, then it will be the time for a new chapter.
Little by little, you’ll always get there. Then, all of the sudden, you’ll twinkle. Inside and out.
OUTFIT DETAIL :
Patterned Pajama Wrap Dress : TOPSHOP – Bag : CELINE – Sneakers : Converse x Commes Des Garcons