Growing up as a baby girl that turns into a young woman and finally reaching my early phase of dirty 30s years, which I hope time will slow down because finally I’m officially old, of course I know what it’s like being a teenage girl and a free spirited 20s girl. I’ve faced some boys problems, broke things up, got angry, got reckless, being wrecked and cried – a lot. Well, I had a lot of emotions which now looking back, i think it’s quite silly but makes a really good story for my life.
It’s not up until I’m about 27 that I finally really being independent about myself. I used to think that dating guys will fill the void of loneliness, but instead, I think I feel whole being comfortable with myself, not changing myself for a guy just to fit the picture of what he’s searching for in a girl and being okay not dating anybody at all. I’ve always been independent, but dating wise, I always think that a perfect guy will fill one blank in life that fix one problem in my life. One hit of disappointment and I will get that clench in my stomach, uneasy kind of feeling and at the end of the day one thing leads to another and bam, I’m breaking things up.
I think girls should feel content with themselves first before launching themselves into relationships with the guys. It’s about dealing with our problems, facing what we’re so scared about, filling every blanks we have in life not with a person or a thing but with something from within ourselves and not scared of being alone. Being codependent can make a person to be such a pain in the ass. When we find ourselves being okay not with anybody, and being okay with somebody, that’s the contentment. Which means, when we launch ourselves into someone else’s life, we’ll not be burdens, but instead we’ll be that girl which is a piece of puzzle that makes somebody else feels complete. And everything that comes our way, we’ll face them confidently, because we feel confident about ourselves.
A friend of mine got married when she was young and had a daughter. She’s actually the kind of hard working girl and I know for sure she can take care of herself and her little girl herself without looking for a rich guy who’s willing to pay her bills. I don’t know what she’s thinking but her life revolves around guys guys guys and more guys. It’s like she’s trying to fill her void by dating around guys that are not worth the while. It’s consuming her like a monster ready to take her down little by little and she’ll be dying inside soon. It’s not good for her daughter’s physiological development of course, but it seems like she just can’t stop herself from doing this pattern. I feel sorry for her and wish that one day, she can see herself as a beautiful confident woman. With being content and proving herself that she can take care of herself and her little one, I think the right guy might come along, be the one and only, and everything will fall into place.
I got two women in my life that teach me to be independent. Be independent first. It will scare the worthless guys who are not serious and just going to fool around with girls but it will attract the one gentleman that will worth everything as a life partner. That’s my Mom and her best friend, and I believe every single one of their word. It’s true. No right decent guy will be interested to be with an insecure girl who’s trying to fill her life with dating a bunch of guys. You, yourself, wouldn’t want to date a guy like that, vice versa. Right ?
Anyway, these OOTDs are what I’ve been wearing.
Anyway, it’s not like I’m instantly boom, independent just like that. There are days where I rely on guys. But I’ve learned my lessons. A lot. I just want to share my perspective. It’s not the same with me been travelling alone since I was a kid. It’s the different kind of independent. The independence of being a single girl trying to conquer the world. LOL.
Love and Happiest Monday to y’all, S.