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Dear Me, 2019

Headband, Top, Hotpants : ZARA – Bag : BALENCIAGA – Shoes : ONITSUKA TIGER
It was a beautiful morning with a warm breeze and the smell of summer all year long. The atmosphere was cheery, people were smiling and greeting as I walked in into one of my favourite brunch spot in Bali. I ordered my usual favourite, Egg Benedict with extra smoked salmon accompanied by an iced latte as it was too warm to drink hot coffee. I was a bit sleepy but all I could feel was a glow of being chill and relax.
It was 365 days ago, 1 year before today, as I was celebrating my first day of being 29 in my forever home at heart, Bali, Indonesia. It was the first day, of the last twenties of age ever in my life. It was a day spent with one of my best friend.
Today, I got up from my bed in my room, placed in box town, feeling lousy. Why ? I’m reaching thirty in less than 24 hours. The day passed by like a blur, and I felt no determination to face tomorrow or whatsoever. My mood was gloomy and I was having a lot of panic in my heart and soul. There were things not yet achieved, there were places I haven’t been, there were goals far away from my reach. And I’m going to be thirty in a blink.
Seems like yesterday was my birthday and it’s like in one second, a year has gone by. Not a regular birthday. The change of that exact number, the first numeric of your age from the 2s to the 3s. It’s scary and it’s stressing me out. Well, I’ve been stressing out this whole year long. I’ve told one of my friend about it, and he said, it wouldn’t be scary at all, 30 is awesome. He was in the Philippines when he celebrated his 30th birthday earlier this year. My mom said just live your life, go with the flow. Some people get on with life and getting through being 30 as ordinary. I’m not.
I looked back and I realised there were things I rather took for granted. The days that I loathed on myself as feeling fat, but as I looked again today into my old photos, I wasn’t fat at all, nowhere near. F those people who made me feel that way – as I’m in a bigger size today, I regret myself, I should’ve feel more thankful back then. That’s a minor example.
I looked back again and seeing myself spending more birthdays with other people than my family. I should’ve celebrate more with people who care about me genuinely, rather than with question marks.
So, here’s a note to myself in 2019. I hope by then some goals are achieved. I hope by then I will accept myself more and loath myself less. I hope I’m this better person, much wiser with younger heart and soul for always. I hope I’m in a happier place, more grateful and live a life that makes me feel alive. I hope by then, I’m a better human being, a happier soul, with less regrets. I hope I am me. In a better place.
Time goes by and flies so fast. I wish I could catch one and stop the second to tick forward. But this is life and life goes on. I hope I can be better.
I don’t know what the future holds. #fingerscrossed it’s going to be a good year ahead. Wish me luck ! Cheers x.
With love, S.
Headband : ZARA – One Piece Swimsuit : H&M
All of the above – Me 2017 – 21 / 9 / 2017 – 29 years of life
Top : TOPSHOP – Hotpants and Bag : ZARA – Sneakers : CONVERSE ALL STARS

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