Monday in Bali, hiding from the truth.
So after beach waves, heat waves plus ten kgs later, here I come, writing about my life – baring my soul and what I’m thinking about to you, whoever reads this. Please pardon me in advance if any of you find my opinions rather offensive. I’m deeply sorry from the start.
Well, this post is dedicated for people who genuinely love me and appreciate me for whoever and whatever I am.
You see, sometimes when you are more than most people, you have the easier way out. Prettier people get more smiles rather than the less attractive ones, more fashionable people get more appreciated walking into fashion stores rather than people who dress up pretty much ordinarily, smarter people get on top of their games at school with teachers and celebrities get special treatments in public places like cafes, clubs or restaurants. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s unfair, it’s just the way things go in this life.
I’m not saying that I’m a superstar but I’m blessed enough to have more than most people. Sometimes, it’s my ultimate pleasure to make people happy. I love giving them gifts, helping those in needs and treating people. I love making people around me happy. Some of my best friends are having anxiety that people will take advantage of me and at times I just let them yapping around like a chihuahua and just don’t listen. But hell, they’re right sometimes. Recently, I’ve met a new group of people and they’re fun to be around. I always hung out with them, until things get weird. They invited their friends without asking me and I ended up buying everyone drinks. At first, I wasn’t bother, but man, every two days of each weekend ? That’s uncool. And sometimes, they invited more people or more friends that I didn’t even know and showed up wherever I was at. It got into my nerves and I just decided not to be around for quite a while.
Also, having been able to access a lot of places, there was also a friend who asked me about doing a favour, getting a place for dinner – somewhere five stars. He asked me out of desperation as he didn’t get any chance of the fully booked place. I even got another slot of reservation for his friend. I wasn’t even close with this friend and only met him once. I thought it was just a one-off deal. We didn’t even speak for quite some time. Then, all of a sudden, he contacted me and guess what, to ask for more slots of the place and now it went up from one slot to several slots. Dude, we didn’t even say hi, if you didn’t need anything. I’m not some kind of restaurant reservation service, you probably should know that.
I was a hardcore people’s pleaser. It’s in my nature that I love being liked by people and when people see me as a nice person. But I really do must have the courage to be disliked because I don’t want people to see me as a stupid girl who they can extract advantages from. I’m sorry, I love to help people without asking anything in return or making people happy and just be sweet, but sometimes people just don’t have feelings or even manners in return. No appreciation is shown after the good deeds are taken by them. You people should learn. So I’ll give you a life lesson, even when at the end of the day we won’t be speaking to each other. Sorry.
I’ve been spending birthdays anywhere but home. I feel like somehow I neglected home. Well, I never see my hometown as a place where I want to grow old but in the meantime, my family live there. There’s my ultimate best friend, my Mom who loves me so much even when sometimes I tend to forget about her when I was having too much fun in my me-time and in my hang-outs with new friends. My Dad who’s been on me about guys but he will do everything in his power to protect me. And my bigger family who will always be there for me. They will always be a family and best friends, no matter how much we annoyed or get disappointed with each other. THEY MATTER !
So open your eyes, don’t get caught up with your new cooler friends that you end up neglecting your family who will always think of you as precious matter to them, or your less cool real best friends who have been there for you through thick and thin.
Well “you” fakers would probably think I was too stupid to realise that I’ve been lied at, cheated at and when you were all being sneaky behind my back. I KNOW. I WAS TOO NICE TO SAY ANYTHING AND I WAS TOO DAMNED GOOD TO HURT YOU AND TELL THE TRUTH SCREAMING THAT IT WAS UNFAIR TO ME.
So yeah, sometimes people choose to be around you because you’re pretty and you look good on their instagram stories and social media updates to climb their ladder or fame, or buy them drinks at parties – which is why they make you feel like a queen and try to get your brain flying to the moon.
One way or another, I forgive you all, the ones who have been faking to me. I forgive you all because you’ve given me a life lesson and a realisation : who truly love me and who matter to me and from now on, I will invest on them. I will celebrate my birthday on the big turning 30 this year with people who love me – TRUTHFULLY AND HONESTLY and in the future I will do everything in my power to love them and appreciate them more.
This naive girl right here, might be smarter than you think, might seem don’t mind about what you throw at her, but this girl also learn how to let go, not to let the hard feelings and bitterness eating her up like a poison and she will never ever let her heart and soul going toxic. On the other hand, yours are poisoned more than you know.
Peace and Love and Forgiveness.
That afternoon, with ocean breeze and coconut trees, me finding what matters in life and recalling all the faces of people who love me. I was trying to find happiness and a happy circle of friends, without realising all along, they are in front of me. Without a doubt.
OUTFIT DETAILS :
Sunnies : RayBan, Embroidered Outerwear – White Cami Tank – Hotpants : TOPSHOP, Bag : BALENCIAGA, Sneakers – VANS
P.S Heavy headed today, over and out, GOODNITE LOVES !